Stuffed Acorn Squash

This here dish is a great meal all alone. It takes about fifteen minutes to prepare and another hour to bake. Fire yer oven up and warm it to about three Mississippi (400-425 deg F) whilst ye’re preparing the stuffed squash.

Ta’ feed two nermal people ye’re gonna’ need the followin’ ingredients. Fer real fat folks ya’ might wanna’ double the ingredients. However, in Grandpa’s experience, fat folks don’t like squash very much b’cuz the cholesterol and fat content is too low to keep drivin’ toward their inevitable heart disease.

1 acorn squash

1 apple (any variety)

1 whole lime

1 slice of sweet onion

3 tbsp grated parmesan

1 tsp ground cinnamon

2-3 ounces of Grandpa Wilbur’s Three Meat Maple Sausage

*** Tip ***

If yer grated parmesan is in a can with a shaker top on it then ya’ should tape a nickel to the can and throw it into the trash. That-a-way, if the trash man finds it, he’ll think that he got a tip and he’ll be five cents better off than you are. Next, go the supermarket and buy a wedge of real parmesan and a grater, if ya’ don’t have one already.

Cut yer squash in half from stem to tip. Spoon the seeds and strings out and thow ‘em away with the canned parmesan imitation. Y’a don’ need ta’ tape no nickels to the seeds though.

Sprinkle ground cinnamon lightly inside of each half of squash and set ‘em aside.

Core, peel and cut up the apple into about ¼ inch pieces and put ‘em into a mixin’ bowl.

Cut yer lime in half and juice it into the bowl with the apple. Stir to saturate apple pieces with lime juice.

Chop up the sweet onion slice and add to the apple-lime juice mixture.

Grate about three tablespoons off of yer parmesan wedge and add that to the apple, onion and lime juice.

Mix all of ingredients thoroughly and pack it into the squash halves up to about a ¼ inch from the edge.

Smoosh yer three meat maple sausage into two patties thet will fit into the squash on top of the stuffing.

Set stuffed halves into a non-stick baking pan or spray the pan with non-stick coating. Cover with foil to keep the sausage from burning.

By now yer oven should be at three Mississippi. Put the pan in an’ be sure to close the door so thet it will bake faster.

Set yer timer ta’ 50 minutes.

Ya’ can tell if a squash is cooked about the same way thet ya’ know if a baked tater is cooked. A toothpick will press easily into the flesh. Also, the squash will be difficult to pick up with tongs b’cuz it will be soft to the grip of the tongs.

Fer added touch ya’ can cover the top of the squash with grated or sliced cheese of yer choice. This is according to taste. Grandpa Wilbur and the Missus like ‘em jes’ fine without added cheese.

Bake fer ‘nuther ten minutes without the foil cover to melt added cheese. Bake longer if needed to finish cooking the squash.

Ya’ can slice yer squash into lengths fer eatin’ er ya’ can jes’ put the half into a bowl and spoon out the squash flesh, stuffin’ and sausage.

Some of Grandpa Wilbur’s recipes are variations of ideas put together from other recipes. This here stuffed squash is a Grandpa Wilbur Original right from scratch.

Homemade Three Meat Maple Syrup Sausage

This here sausage only takes up about an hour to make enough to last you quite a while. The best part is that it ain't got none of them chemicals in it with fourteen syllable names. As a general rule, Grandpa Wilbur thinks that if you cain't pronounce it, then you shouldn't ought to be eating it.

Anyway, if you think that a five pound batch of sausage is too much for you then you can just invite some friends or family over to help you make up a batch. If you’re real hard up, then you could even invite the in-laws over. If you do that, though, you’re gonna’ wanna’ double the batch to avoid a fight over who takes the most home.

Grandpa Wilbur can tell you straight up that once you sample this here sausage it’s gonna’ be like trying to eat just one Lay’s Potato Chip.  

You’re gonna’ need the following ingredients for a single batch of sausage.

1 lb ground beef

1 lb ground pork

3 lbs ground chicken or turkey

1 cup finely chopped sweet onion

4 tsp sage

4 tsp poultry seasoning

4 tsp black pepper

2 tsp cayenne

2 tsp salt

6 tbsp maple syrup

You wanna’ put all of this stuff into a bowl big enough to hold it all and leave you some smooshing and mixing room without it spilling out of the sides.

Wash your hands thoroughly with soap and water before starting to smoosh and mix. You don’t want any Typhoid Mary stuff going on.

Before you start mixing your sausage, coat the inside of a cast iron skillet with cooking spray and set it over a burner with the knob twisted to about 1/3. You’re gonna’ need this for cooking up a sample when you’re done mixing.

Commence smooshing and mixing your sausage. When you think that you’re done, just keep on smooshing and mixing until you cain’t turn up no more colors, in the mix, different from the rest of the sausage.

When you’re satisfied that the sausage is mixed, cook a small patty in the hot pan and do a taste test. You can add more spices if you like or some more meat to tame it down if it’s too hot for you.

This is where, if you invited help over to make your sausage, you’re gonna’ wish that you didn't. That’s because once that sausage lights up your tasters, you won’t want to share. Worse, when your helpers get a sample, they’re gonna’ try to sneak away with all of your sausage.

Set aside the sausage that you’ll use in the next day or two and press the rest into patties and freeze them. It doesn't matter what diameter that you like to make them but they cook up best if they’re about ¾” of an inch thick. At that thickness, you can put these patties, still frozen, into a covered skillet with a little chicken broth or water, on medium heat. They’ll cook up delicious in no time. 

Leftover Smoked Chicken, Black Beans and Black Rice

This dish is a combination of leftovers and foods, mostly fresh, that Grandpa Wilbur had on hand. In the days previous, smoked chicken, black beans and black rice had accumulated in the fridge. Feel free to make substitutions and adjustments or ad lib as required with what you have on hand. The meal took less than 30 minutes to prepare. All measurements are approximate. This serves two persons as a main dish

Ingredients:

½ lb of smoked chicken (cut into small pieces)

1 cup cooked black rice

2/3 cup cooked black beans

1 whole shredded carrot

1/3 cup chopped green onions

1 length thinly sliced celery stick

2 tbsp fresh shredded ginger root

½ cup chopped portabella mushroom

1 cup mandarin orange slices (canned)

½ cup juice from canned orange slices

Instructions:

Put all ingredients with exception of oranges and juice into a microwave safe bowl that is equipped with a steaming basket.

Mix the ingredients thoroughly.

Add water and steam for 3 minutes. Remove and stir ingredients.

Steam for another 3 minutes and stir again.

Steam for 2 more minutes.

Drain water from steamer bowl.

Pour steam mixture from steaming basket to the bowl

Pour on juice from oranges and stir in thoroughly.

Serve topped with mandarin orange slices.

*** Note ***

This was delicious without any seasonings added. However, the credit for that goes to the smoke flavor in the chicken. This could be done as well with non-smoked chicken or pork if seasoned to taste with salt, pepper, thyme, sage and basil leaves or other spices of your preference.

Red Tea

This here is a right flavorful drink that don’t have none of them fourteen syllable words that are on the labels of the cans and bottles of them fructose-laced, flavored teas like you can buy in your local C-store. A course, you know that you have to pay extra fer all of them syllables, -oses, extra calories and warnings.

You might pay a dollar or two fer one them drinks that’s eventually gonna’ kill you from all them chemicals that’s in ‘em. If not, you surely stand a purty good chance of catching diabetes. This here drink that ye’re gonna’ learn how to make here is only gonna’ cost you about 45 cents each and it’s a whole lot more healthy fer you.

Here’s how to make this drink fer yerself. First, ye’re gonna’ need six bottles of water. The best size is about 16-20 ounces per bottle.

You’ll also need five teabags of green tea. Any quality brand will do but Grandpa Wilbur favors the ones with Matcha mixed in. Matcha is very finely ground tea and it puts a whole lot more flavor into the tea than standard teabags. It’s a little more expensive but still a whole lot cheaper than buying them chemicalized and fructose-laced drinks in the C-store.

If there is Costco near where you live, and you have a membership, you can get green tea with Matcha there. The only other ingredient that ye’re gonna’ need is cranberry juice.

First, you take and empty out five of them water bottles into a pitcher or sun tea jar. Pour the sixth one into the dog’s dish or a flower pot because you ain’t gonna’ need the water but ye’re gonna’l need the bottle.

Second, you put five green tea bags into the water and leave it set to cold brew fer an hour or two.

Third, when that tea is all brewed up to nice deep yellow-green color then you wanna’ take and pour it into them six empty water bottles up to about three-fourths full.

Last, top the bottles off with cranberry juice, re-cap them and put them into the fridge to chill.
You can vary the tea to cranberry ratio as yer tasters prefer but most everyone, except fer muh grandkids, think that this has just the right amount of tart, sweet and tea flavor.

Honey Baked Chicken with Spiced Sweet Potato

This here is a delicious an' healthy meal thet don't take nuthin' to make in about an hour from beginnin' to end. Ye’re gonna’ need the followin' ingredients fer the total meal to serve two people.

 
A vegetable of your choice
1-2 fresh sweet taters
2-4 pieces of fresh chicken thighs or breasts
Honey and ground cinnamon
1 egg or 2 egg whites
¾ cup of flour
1 tsp paprika
1 tsp cayenne pepper
1 tsp black pepper
½ tsp salt 

The first thing that ye're gonna' wanna' do is to start heating the oven to between Three Mississippi and Four Mississippi (425 F).
Next, you'll wanna' wrap yer sweet tater(s) in aluminum foil an' stick them into the oven on one side'a the rack. The other side is gonna' be fer the chicken.
There ain't no need fer an oven timer yet on account'a the time it'll take to prepare yer chicken is just about right fer the sweet tater to bake before the chicken goes in with it.

Next, fer a healthy meal, ya' halfta' skin yer chicken an' cut away the excess fat. Set them chicken pieces aside on a clean paper towel.
Mix yer flour, paprika, cayenne, black pepper an' salt together in a bowl.
Beat yer egg inta dipping badder in 'nuther bowl. You might wanna' add a little bit'a milk to the egg badder.
Spray a baking pan with non-stick spray.

Dry off yer chicken pieces with paper towels and dip 'em, first, inta the egg badder an' then inta the flour an' seasonin' mix. Put yer coated chicken pieces inta the baking pan.

By now, yer oven ought'a be heated to Three Mississippi. Put yer pan 'a chicken alongside 'a yer sweet taters an' set yer timer fer 35 minutes.

Take a break.

When yer timer goes ta' beepin', take yer chicken outta' the oven an' drizzle honey on it.
Turn yer chicken pieces over an' drizzle honey on the other side.
Put yer pan 'a chicken back inta the oven an' set yer timer fer 15 minutes.

Prepare the vegetable 'a yer choice ta' be finished when the timer goes ta' beepin' agin'.
Fer this here meal, Grandpa Wilbur steamed fresh brussels sprouts in the nucro-wave oven.

When yer timer goes off, take them sweet taters outta' the oven an' take off the foil. (Be real careful not to burn yer nose pickers.)

Slice them taters in half the long way an' them tater skins will slide off with just a little bit 'a pull with some tongs or a fork.

Mash the cooked sweet tater slightly on a dinner plate an' sprinkle it with ground cinnamon. Then drizzle the spiced tater with honey.

Throw the chicken an' vegetable onta yer plate an' serve it up. The chicken is also delicious as a leftover, either cold or warmed in a nucro-wave oven.

If ya' have a big crowd ta feed, like when Cousin Eddie loads up the kids in the passenger van an' comes over, ye're gonna' halfta' to increase the ingredients expanenchuly. That means to make whole bunch more ta feed ever'body. Some folks go a visitin' ta fatten their young'uns up a little.

Then again, some folks is jes' moochers. I 'member when Uncle Elmer retired. Between then and the time that he died, I don't think that he an' Aunt Emmy ever cooked or paid fer 'nuther supper the rest o'their lives. They jes' traveled 'round the country in their motorhome and made sure to make it the home of a friend or relative by suppertime.

As you might guess, their circle 'a friends was somewhat dynamic in their retirement years. That means that they had to find new friends to mooch off 'a as the existing friends learned to call ahead and warn ever'body that Uncle Elmer was within a day's drive.

Folks would jes' turn off the lights, lock the doors and go out to supper and bowling or a movie. Heck, if there was a lot of family and friends 'a Uncle Elmer in one county, the diner an' bowling alley could be packed for the night. It was cheaper than feeding Uncle Elmer and Aunt Emmy, especially if they parked an' plugged the motorhome inta yer power for the night. It ain't hard to figure who was also gonna' join you breakfast.

Heck, if you was ever too nice to Uncle Elmer and Aunt Emmy, they might jes' stay fer a week or so. Then they'd have a family reunion, on the weekend in yer backyard. Uncle Elmer would call up ever'body that lived within a  hunnert miles.

They done that to my Grandpa once an' he had to kill an old sow to feed ever'body. Grandpa said the sow's piggin' days were over so it weren't so bad as givin' up good market hogs. Ya'd'a thought, though, that the county fair was bein' held at Grandpa's farm fer alla' the people that showed up on Uncle Elmer's invite.

Everybody was supposed to bring sumthin' along. The trouble is that mosta' them only brought their appetite an' a generous helpin' 'a bullshit. I guess it don't take much to carry them things from the truck to the picnic table.

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Delicious Pear Pie

Grandpa Wilbur is assumin’ that ya’ know how to make up pie crust dough or ya’ went n’ bought some a that ready-made pie crust. They’re usually alongside of them other fake-to-bake cookies an’ biscuits in the dairy section of the supercenter.

The first thing that ye’re gonna’ wanna’ do is get some heat a goin’ fer bakin’ yer pie. Yer gonna’ want yer oven het up to about Three Mississippi ( 450 F).

Next, measure out these ingredients:
½ cup sugar (substitute sucralose if ye’re diabetic ‘er tryin’ to stave off diabetes)
3 tbsp flour
1tsp ground cinnamon
1 tbsp fresh lemon zest
¼ tsp salt (if ya’ ain’t got high blood pressure already)

Mix them ingredients in a bowl. Be careful that ya’ ain’t got no lumps on account of the flour an’ sugar a stickin’ ta the lemon zest.
Set yer mix aside an’ put yer pie pastry inta yer pie pan.

*** Tip from Grandpa Wilbur ***
Some folks like to flour coat the bottom of the pie pan to help prevent the crust from sticking to the pan. Grandpa adds one step to that. Put one quick shot of cookin’ spray on yer pan and wipe it all around the inside with a paper towel so there’s just a very thin film of oil on yer pan. Then flour coat yer pan and it will work a lot better, especially if ya’ use glass pans.

Core, peel an’ slice up 5-6 pears.
Put yer sliced up pears inta yer pie pastry that ya’ have in yer pie pan. Sprinkle yer mix on yer fruit as ya’ layer it inta yer pan. Sprinkle any remaining mix on top of yer fruit.

Cover yer pie with yer top pastry and seal the edges of yer bottom and top pastries with some milk or water an’ thumb-crimp together.

*** Very Important ***
Don’t forget to vent yer top pie crust. Ya’ can cut an eight point “X” inta it as shown in the pitcher or ya’ can cut some of them little dainty decorative vents symmetrically around the top of yer pie. This very important! If you don’t vent yer top crust it could blow up like the boiler on a riverboat racing with the safeties tied shut.
Grandpa has memory of a story told by a sweetheart who forgot to vent the first pie that she ever baked for her an’ newly wedded husband. The hubby came home to the delicious aroma of hot apple pie in the oven.
When the sweetheart took the pie out of the oven an’ set it down, the top blew off of it. Her husband still had fresh hot pie but he had to go to the garage an’ get a step ladder so that he could eat it off of the ceiling.

Anyway when yer oven is het up to Three Mississippi and ya’ have yer pie crust vented ya’ need ta’ bake yer pie fer about ten minutes.

Next, cut yer heat to Five Mississppi (350 F) an’ bake yer pie fer ‘nother 35-40 minutes. Yer crust will be golden brown an’ yer pie’ll smell like ya’ cain’t wait ta eat it.

Set yer hot an’ delicious smellin’ pie on a coolin’ rack fer at least an hour. Two hours is better if ya’ can stand ta wait that long.

Ya’ can tell from the pitcher that Grandpa Wilbur and the missus didn’t waste no time cuttin’ inta this‘un.

Sweet and Crunchy Spiced Oatmeal

Put 1/3 cup of rolled oats and 2/3 cup of water in a bowl.
Nucro-wave it fer 6 minutes at 40% power.

Add 1-2 tsp ground cinnamon and 1-2 tbsp of honey.

Sprinkle with yer favorite chopped-up nuts. Grandpa Wilbur just happened to have sliced almonds on hand when this glamour shot was taken.

Stir that stuff all together and chow down!

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